All I can do is laugh...

I have a painting named from this quotation...(the painting is called 'The Balance'

"Because he knows you have to laugh at the things that hurt you just to keep yourself in balance, just to keep the world from running you plumb crazy."

The painting is a close up of a guy laughing. His face is painted in yellows, oranges and red with a blue-ish background...
The quote is from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey (if you're not hip to Ken Kesey & the Merry Pranksters...you should be).

All I'll say is that I had two panic attacks on Saturday...between which I spent a considerable amount of time with my face in the toilet. This whole thing is freaking me out...to say the least. sheww.

A sponge, a bucket and lots of red dirt

It's amazing how much dirt can fit into a camper...particularly a camper utilized by men, merely for the essentials, only for the better part of the past two years. . . I spent the morning cleaning. . . I began at one end - the bathroom - and cleaned until I ran out of space to put stuff that needs to leave. I took my time scrubbing in cracks and crevices, under, over, inside, outside and all around every surface you can imagine. I was done with more than half the camper in less than two hours time. And that included packing up the stuff that belongs to my boyfriend's parents (as the camper belongs to them - they have not used it since long before we began building - not for vacationing or camping at least anyway).

On a quick side note, let me introduce you to my boyfriend, I'd hate to just refer to him as 'my boyfriend' throughout this entire blog. . . his name is Clint. We've lived together for just about 3 years now. I would describe our relationship as fantastically fulfilling on a variety of levels. We are both very independent people who, even if we don't totally understand each other, respect each other. He is an incredibly industrious thinker who, I am convinced, can do absolutely anything he puts his mind to.

So anyway, back to the dirt. . . there's not much to say other than there is a lot less of it inside the camper now. As I was cleaning I was thinking about how cleaning coincides with and can sometimes symbolize a new beginning. . . a renewal. I'm not sure where that comes from, but its all through our lives (mine at least. . . ). I mean I start each day with a shower - renewal, a new beginning!

So the whole cleansing ritual combined with the purging that is soon to commence has generated a tiny buzz of excitement inside of me. I'm terrified of this change and often am overwhelmed with the fear of what we do if it doesn't work out. . . where will we go if something happens with the camper? To my parents house? This close to 30 years old, I'd rather die before even considering that as an option. But at the same time, I'm more excited than I've been in a long time to be taking such a chance and, for a change, to be taking a risk with someone rather than alone.

Anyway, so before I can proceed with any other real work out there, I have to get some of, if not all of, Clint's parents' belongings out. This will give me room to finish cleaning as well as the opportunity to see how much space we'll really have for things. The more I cleaned today, the more storage space I found. I'm still thinking it's gonna be a fun time!

My first time...

So this is my first, what I'll call, 'real blog' ... the myspace blog consisting of primarily lyrics and vague comments about karma may have led me here...who knows. I've always written privately so it just seemed logical to at some point start sharing...thus this blog. The main reason I've started now is that I'm about to undergo one of the biggest transitions of my life so far...haha dramatic, I know. It's really not that big a deal - it should prove interesting though.

Let me tell you a little about myself. I currently work at a small private college. I work as a staff member and also teach several classes. My current goal is to become full time faculty. I've learned over the past few years that my passion lies in sharing information with others. Due to the economy and a vast array of political agendas, the school is not in a position to promote me to faculty at this time.

I love to eat french fries. . . and listen to the band Bright Eyes, the singer Ryan Adams. . . watch the movies Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead, and American Beauty. I don't have cable so I'm limited to the public broadcast channel for excitement (haha, jk, I get a few others too). I love to stay up late and watch old reruns of Friends and Sex & the City. I paint, make things out of metal and/or wire from time to time, cross stitch, crochet scarves but not yet a blanket.

I completed my Masters nearly a year ago, because I've yet to be promoted the loan payments are more than cramping my style :) This means that I'm often filling any free time with freelance work. Still just barely paying bills though, you see, like everyone else in America it seems today...

Anyway, so we, my boyfriend and I, are building a house (well, he is building us a house to be specific). We are probably half-way through the process. We plan to move out of our current residence - a double-wide, less than desirable rental. . . into a camper! This is the result of endless brainstorming of how to save money and still pay our bills ... moving to the camper will allow us to work more on the house (we are building, literally, ourselves - some work is contracted out but we are managing everything and completing most of it ourselves). It will also save a great deal of money. . . eliminating the rent and present utilities.

Now comes the question though of how well we will live in such a small space. We also have an American Bulldog who weighs the same as me...and three cats! plus one fish! Along with adjusting to the drastic space difference, I'm sure I'll also have issues with not have access to all my 'stuff' at all times! I'm crazy attached to the material possessions I have! I am an artist and am terrified of putting all of my artwork in storage at my parents house. Also, where is there space to make art in a camper? And what about my books...they crowd all around us in our present space, I'm dreading the choosing of which ones go into storage.

And how will I cook? I mean I realize it's possible, my mom does it like a champ when she and my dad go on vacation in their camper. . . it's just such a small stove, no oven and almost negative counter space!! I'm sure we'll adjust but I'm also sure I'll have none of my trusty kitchen appliances on hand. . .

One fantastic aspect is the location. We are building in a very quiet area located on a large community pond, however with no close neighbors. It's fantastic and totally vacation-like. But a camper for several months may outweigh the vacation-like appeal of the whole adventure. . . we'll see. . . I told my boyfriend that it would be fun. . . five minutes later I asked him to remind me of that, 'that its fun!' about 3-4 weeks in when I'm ready to lose my mind.