even in the "less than rural areas"

I teach college students at a private Christian university...in a less than rural area.

A student said to me today...regarding a different professor (who had not been helpful in a situation when she may have been)...

"I think she sees me the way I appear...and I'm really very different from what I appear to be"

It hit deep because it was probably a true statement...if we could all be a little more open-minded and less attached to our narrow personal views of others and situations, see past prejudices and outside our own paradigms...we'd all probably hurt at least a little less.

...just sayin'...

lyrics for the day

Flogging Molly ::: If I ever leave this world alive...

If I ever leave this world alive
I'll thank for all the things you did in my life
If I ever leave this world alive
I'll come back down and sit beside your
feet tonight
Wherever I am you'll always be
More than just a memory
If I ever leave this world alive

If I ever leave this world alive
I'll take on all the sadness
That I left behind
If I ever leave this world alive
The madness that you feel will soon subside
So in a word don't shed a tear
I'll be here when it all gets weird
If I ever leave this world alive

So when in doubt just call my name
Just before you go insane
If I ever leave this world
Hey I may never leave this world
But if I ever leave this world alive

She says I'm okay; I'm alright,
Though you have gone from my life
You said that it would,
Now everything should be all right

She says I'm okay; I'm alright,
Though you have gone from my life
You said that it would,
Now everything should be all right
Yeah should be alright

I've tried to fill the holes left from the loss with memories and happy thoughts and such...they help but they don't keep the cold out in winter <3 Beauty and Joy do what they can to keep me warm.

Mad love for all of us with these unfillable holes.

not quite the post that's due after such a long time...

But this will have to do for now:::I'm on a mission to fix my soul :) (and i know - aren't we all?)

fix is kinda a strong word implying that something's broken or wrong with whatever is to be fixed - not quite the implication I'm seeking as I'm pretty confident my soul's not perfect, but its not broken either - just neglected. so i should say I'm on a mission to polish my soul.

Awake my Soul • Mumford & Sons
(these are not the entire lyrics...just some random ones I picked to share)

But your soul you must keep, totally free

In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love, you invest your life
In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love, you invest your life

<3 love to you <3

long time....

so its been a long time and there's lots to say...
but for now...just savor this ::: Rik Lee


become addicted ::: http://riklee.wordpress.com/

not much makes sense these days

how come I can plant a plant in a pot and sit it on my porch... I can love it and water it and fertilize it and pluck its expired blooms and wilted leaves ... all in efforts to keep 'er looking o-so-fresh. Given enough time (and fertilizer, ha), my well taken care of plant will ultimately become root-bound and drooop and eventually die (assuming I don't repot it ok).

but how come a random seed can drop into the crack of a rock and a whole damn tree will grow years and years in the woods with no audience or caregiver...and it grows up not to just be a tree, but a totally bad ass tree capable of growing sideways if necessary to find sufficient sunlight...its roots seek out the tiniest cracks and eventually break apart the rock until the sough nutrients can be reached...in short these rare but bad ass trees get what they want...


i wanna be that tree ...

but i feel like a half-dead, used-to-be-vibrant-gerber daisy...in a pot three years too small.

working hard...very very hard <3

really?

Is it wrong that I just spent at least 10 minutes of my work day simply staring at the fish at the bottom of this page. They follow your curser...not anything mind blowing...but then I realized when I click food drops in!! There went another 10 minutes of my life...wasted, haha.

Update on 'camper life' - we moved the camper (from its location in the middle of a field - prolly 50 yards from the house) onto the cement under our second-story deck off the back of the house. So now we have the pleasure of cement outside the door and the security of the deck. I say the security of the deck because the camper barely fits so it feels like the deck is holding it in place. Much better to experience than try to imagine from my pointless ramblings. Anyway, the camper doesn't rock anymore and I can step outside without getting my shoes dirty. These points make me a happy girl! We did have one small tragedy when moving the camper. I couldn't watch the ordeal because it was soooo muddy and from my point of view the feat was impossible anyway...lots of mud and little board ramps over deep holes and all kinds of crazy stuff that I'm almost positive makes my boyfriends heart race...with excitement at such a challenge. While I was desperately fighting off a racing heart of a whole different source. I avoided a panic attack upstairs with sweaty palms inside of fists clenched so tight my fingers were numb for hours. But no tragedy in the mud and crazy ramps...the tragedy (which realistically was only a near-tragedy) came when we started putting things back together and realized we were one cat short. My favorite little pusser had managed to shimmy himself up under the bathtub during the move - a location I would have never been able to remove him from. After a short panic...he came out and everyone was safe and sound!

I started this blog to record this whole camper experience but after the initial adjustment I feel there is little to say about it. It is what it is. We had to adjust our routine and many of our habits but now everything has returned to some sort of normal state. We've just finished painting in our house and hope to start on cabinets and trim very very soon!

Unrelated, I've begun seeking and collecting as much inspiration as possible. I'm not too sure what I'm going to do with it yet, but it doesn't seem like a bad thing to have saved up.

Mad love.